miracle ~ beam ~

raiknii @ 2008-05-04T08:10:00

2008-05-04T12:19:00Z

Things I like about SJ-M:

a) The cheoregraphy is so much cooler.
b) FINALLY THE STUPID "LET'S STAND IN A TRIANGLE!!!!" DANCE FORMATION IS GONE!
c) FINALLY THE STUPID "LET'S ALL BEND DOWN AND PRETEND WE'RE NOT HERE" DANCE MOVE HAS BEEN MADE DYNAMIC AND COOL!
d) Basically, as someone who understands neither Korean nor SJ-M's Chinese, the performances seem so much better to me. xD

Things I do not like about SJ-M:

a) Fandom's batshit insanity. Enough said.
b) The fact that no one bothered seemed to bother to put the members through pronunciation lessons.
c) That I have no idea what anyone is singing.

an eulogy to something

2008-04-10T19:31:28Z

CONGRATULATIONS, SUPER JUNIOR FANDOM.

YOU'VE MADE FANDOM WANK. FOR THE SECOND TIME.

raiknii @ 2008-04-05T17:01:00

2008-04-04T21:06:45Z

As for my spring break:

(I went to Japan for a day, and then China for several.)

It was amazing. :DDDDD

This is probably heresy, but I am so glad I chose to see a Morning Musume concert instead of a Super Junior one. It was amazing. The fan-chanting was so coordinated. Everything was brilliant. (Plus, SJ fangirls scream too much~)

I have lots of cute hairclips now... I got a haircut... I went shopping fifty million times....

I HAVE GUNDAM MODELS!!!! :DDDDDD (Aegis and Justice xDDDD)

And... and...

I HAVE TOUR GOODS!

Oh, god. I spent 7000 yen (a little more than 70USD) exactly. *cries*

BUT TOUR GOODS!

(Even if that dumb keychain cost 12USD, I wouldn't give it up for anything~)

...I get the feeling I'm now addicted to concert-going...................................................................

@rian: I still have take those pictures of me in le water events stadium off the camera... We're in a tizzy this weekend, though, so it might take me forever...

i am totally not here.

2008-03-11T01:28:50Z

...I am so ridiculously busy these days. (aka from now until the end of the school year.......)
...I seriously need a to-do list... Don't I.

...Still.

You know, if I don't magically get back to lj within the, oh, two-week gap of nothing to do that I have.... I probably won't be back until the summer. -_-; (By which I mean frequent entries + fanfiction + etc.)

To give you an idea....... I won't be back during March, at least! My schedule the next three weeks is ridiculous.

And then May... APs. =.= Then SAT IIs... then finals.

Ew.

Speaking of testing... I need to figure out my testing schedule for 08-09.... Unfortunately, I have to space things, and whatnot. A pain, because I have, what? ten tests to take? -__________________-; (for the curious... a piano practical, 3 AP, SAT, 2-4 SAT II... and maybe ACT too. the various SATs are going to be especially tricky...)

endless summer night

2008-02-15T01:50:45Z

at the moment, i don't want to go anywhere... i just want to, i don't know, sit in your room forever, organizing your closet.

i think i'm going to be away from lj... checking things, but away. maybe only for a second. maybe for three months. maybe forever.

at the moment, i'm totally not feeling it. maybe later.

there's...

it's okay... i'm actually really happy. not going to talk about why, not only because i promised, but also because it's mine and mine only....

i'm liking this semi-hiatus thing!

2008-01-30T19:47:16Z

Last day of midterms is tomorrow! But not spending fifty bazillion hours a day on lj is so refreshing I'm tempted to try it for a while longer. Actually, I was sorta-kinda-not-really on hiatus before midterms started, wasn't I? -_-; Like, I was checking things but not really caring. You know, five hundred hours a day as opposed to fifty bazillion.

(And, er... not writing anything! But you don't know that! Please don't mention it.)

At this rate, I'll be gone until my birthday! (And not writing anything.) And, you know, on my birthday, I'm going to Japan, and a while before I leave...

SUPER SMASH BROS. BRAWL IS COMING OUT!!!

...Yeah. For the uninformed, I am fanatically devoted to that game. Even more than with Melee, because damn they've been hyping Brawl for two years. Melee's release was a long time ago... I didn't even own the original, let alone care about the sequel at the time.

And plus, this time, I am fanatically devoted to two series that appear in SSBB! :DDDDDD

In conclusion: musicgasm. fangirlgasm. stagegasm. LIFEgasm.

Unfortunately, not a charactergasm. I'm thrilled that my two favorite characters from Melee are back (though Pikachu doesn't count! did anybody ever think....), but more pokemon please. (I can't be the only person that wants half the roster to be pokemon! ...Well, okay, maybe I am.)

Why, yes, I did spend the last two hours gorging on spoilers! Why do you ask?

Now that I think about it... A nintendo-characters-on-a-bus plot would be hilarious... I bet SSE is all emo, lolololololololololol.

A HUNDRED PLUS SONGS!!!!
(I would so buy a SSBB soundtrack. Except it would probably not happen due to royalty issues.)

raiknii @ 2008-01-27T13:53:00

2008-01-27T18:59:23Z

Midterms start tomorrow!

I'll be here on the internet almost as much as usual, but please don't encourage me to fool around. I really don't need the incentive. >.>

raiknii @ 2008-01-26T11:50:00

2008-01-26T16:55:00Z

...I hate decisions.

...Mommy said that if I don't get to go to Japan + see Morning Musume in two months, I can go to one of Super Junior's concerts in China.

...Dammit.

This is, like, the decision of the century, isn't it? >.< Whatever I choose, it's likely I'll never have another chance, considering my favorite members of both groups more-or-less have "expire by" dates on them.

...
...

Why is it that I was so willing to give up going to Japan to make room for celebrating my grandfather's 80th birthday in Las Vegas but if it's Las Vegas and SuJu, I hesitate?

raiknii @ 2008-01-26T08:01:00

2008-01-26T13:06:46Z

...Does anyone actually believe that Super Smash Bros Brawl will be the last SSB?

...*rolls eyes*

Unless SSBB is delayed so often that the world ends first...

...Okay, okay, I'm making cheap shots and taking quotes out of context. Here's the context, from here:

"I felt that a large premise of the project was that this was not a series that would continue indefinitely. After all, it wasn’t possible to keep on increasing the characters that are entitled to take the field in Smash Bros. And even if you try to utilize new familiar characters that resonate with the fans, you can’t get each and every gamer to be happy. Just like its predecessor then, we decided to design the game as if it was the last one in the series."

By the way? I think I'm in love with Sakurai, SSBB's director... person... thing. No idea what he does, exactly. Game development confuses me. But, anyway, I think he's hot. And has a hilarious writing style.

AND FINAL FANTASY VII'S WRITER IS WRITING SSBB'S PLOT. I GUESS THAT MEANS SSBB WILL MAKE ZERO SENSE.
I love Sakurai for rejecting this gem of a plot: "Some of the characters are on a bus on the way to the stadium. Samus is there. Donkey Kong is there and Snake is watching the bus from afar."

raiknii @ 2008-01-14T18:57:00

2008-01-15T00:06:09Z

Every time, I know that getting my hopes up only makes me upset...

Somehow, though, it's happened again...

Can I truly enjoy the only vacation I've ever picked for myself?

Who knows...?

Oh, this is ridiculous. Why do I feel so awful about going to Japan? Yes, it does prevent the family reunion for my grandfather's eightieth birthday (well, 80th by Chinese years). But no one would dream of reproaching me, mainly using the logic "but you were the one who proposed your trip first". Somehow, I hoped it would make me happy...

But I'm sure those of you who know me well know, or could guess, that I'm always, always hiding guilt at being the one who got "the most". But when I do sacrifice... Oh, I'm so bitter about it.

I suppose the happy medium would be agreement. Compromise is impossible for things like this, so we'll have to settle for agreement - if it could be possible. But, no, it's always yielding (usually by me, though not without a fuss that spoils everyone else's fun).

I'll just imagine seeing Koharu in real life at last, even if only from a distance, and let that comfort me, if nothing else can.

raiknii @ 2008-01-08T19:12:00

2008-01-09T00:22:36Z

Today I remembered:

1) Why I stopped reading novels. (Which was a strange thing for someone as arguably intelligent and fond of literature as me to do.)
2) How utterly incompetent I am at living life. I'm so easy to set off, just whisper-whisper-whisper, like that!

In other news... Sick again. I mean, beyond the sinusitis. Actually, this might be the same or a related problem, but my throat is killing me... It might be something else though, in which case I can and will do something drastic (I don't know what exactly yet) to my head (which is the source of all my problems)!

You know... If people didn't have heads (I mean, had evolved sans heads, not had them chopped off!), a lot of medical problems would be solved... Though I suppose a lot more logistic ones would have appeared.

raiknii @ 2008-01-04T15:38:00

2008-01-04T20:50:09Z

...My schedule is so dead.

They haven't done schedules yet, but I get the feeling schedule conflicts will kick me out of AP English.

There's a long story as to why I'm predicting that, but the short story is that my class is a bunch of Bad Overacheivers that Need to Suck It Up and Take AP because Overacheivers Should Want to Take AP English. ~~And that I hope the Honors teacher is hard and they all fail Honors so I can laugh at them for not taking AP. And killing my schedule.~~

...You know, I think all my troubles started when I walked into high school and decided I was going to have taken ten AP classes by the time I graduated. This is clearly a Bad Goal, if only because now I have to pray for the schedules to work out in my favor. My luck is bad, so...

...oh, the irony.

2007-12-29T02:02:24Z

In the past two days, my parents have said (not literal quotes, mostly because they're translated and/or condensed):

"Buying $100 in Christmas gifts for you makes you spoiled."
"How many percent do you want to go to Yellowstone, and how many percent do you want to go to Japan to watch a Morning Musume concert?" (can you tell me what my answer was/how obvious and stupid the question was? i bet you can.)
"I spent ten minutes more than I meant to at the store you told me you really, really didn't want to go to, so I don't have time to bring you to get fast food."
"Why did you have to ask me where the masking tape was? If you hadn't, and I hadn't gone to get it, your brother wouldn't have thrown up!"
"You know how you were telling your friends how your brother throwing up wasn't your fault? Well, you're not blameless! You didn't put the camera away!"
"You're so spoiled lately."
"You have a bad temper because there's not enough light in your room."

..."You're depressed because you have a bad personality."

Gee, I wonder why I'm depressed? -_-; I know better now, of course, but it's not like I can just magically forget years of ... the above?

I could make witty replies and totally point out the utter lulz apparent in what my parents say... But, (un?)fortunately, I know better (?) and keep my head down.

In the eternal words of a boy from school: "Wow, your dad must be a dickweed."

first kiss

2007-12-24T14:44:16Z

The only group I've ever liked for their talent.

The video's nearly five years old... I wasn't a jpop fan back then, but Aa! was the BEST. UNIT. EVER. Maybe I just think that because Airi was a cute nine-year-old, Miyabi was a cute eleven-year-old, and Reina... was a cute thirteen-year-old? Well, she probably weighed more back then... -_-;

I want Aa! back...

Srsly, someone please graduate Reina from Morning Musume, Miyabi and Airi from their respective groups, and make Aa! a full-time unit...

>.<

raiknii @ 2007-12-20T19:19:00

2007-12-21T00:26:28Z

OH, LIFE.

five days until christmas (four, depending on your point of view), and i'm just totally down in the dumps. ...then again, aren't i always...?

maybe i'll make some new year's resolutions this time around. then again... how can you get to a point when you have no idea how?

there's three months and three days until my birthday. i love the number three.

...but i wasn't planning this post, or anything... ...coincidentally, it will have been nine years since i last had a birthday party... (again, the exact number depends on your point of view, but...)

hm... i used to love nine, but when i grew up i realized twenty-seven was a much more logical number to love...

...i'm probably the only person my age who doesn't like getting older. i hate my birthday, but i hate getting older in general, even beyond the date itself...

...ah, i haven't even asked for anything for christmas yet... (but that's almost as old as not asking for birthday gifts). i don't want to, even. i want things but i don't want to ask. ...i'm not making any sense, really... it makes sense to me but it's... complicated.

IN CONCLUSION FROM NOW TO AFTER MY BIRTHDAY I WILL LIKELY BE DEPRESSED. I MEAN, MORE SO THAN USUAL.

OMFG WHY? WHY IS IT ALWAYS THIS WAY? STUPID HABITS ~~THAT HAVE CAUSES~~.

raiknii @ 2007-12-16T17:16:00

2007-12-16T22:21:18Z

...It's official. I have chronic sinusitits.

T________________________________________________________________T

I started saline rinses today... (Yes, I was supposed to start them three weeks ago. Shut up. Just because I'm chicken -)

They hurt like a bitch. Actually, I'm not sure if hurt is the right term, but they left me in tears. It didn't hurt like the cut kind of hurt, more... Pressure in areas that should never feel pressure.

Basically, it's shooting water up your nose... Not filling your nose with water and letting it drip out... Shooting it so it comes out your mouth.

How disgusting is that?

...I do feel better, but can I summon the courage to do this three times a day...?
For the rest of my life?

...Why couldn't I have some other problem...?

ETA: Now that my head is clearer, I would like to say that I have said some really, really ridiculous things in the past three months (<-- aka how long I've been sick). Sometimes I was stupid, and quite often made myself sound like an idiot. I swear it was all the sinusitis' fault. I'm not even joking, you have no idea how irritable and senseless the goddamn mucus in my head made me.

raiknii @ 2007-12-15T13:28:00

2007-12-15T18:30:10Z

...Why is it that all the subs of Chinese videos are so... so... bad?

-_-;

Subs of Japanese and Korean videos better not secretly be that bad. =p

(Why am I watching chinese vids with subs? Er... actually, I'm not sure myself... As far as I can tell, I understand Chinese better than the subbers, lol.)

Watching Hankyung talk about his experiences going to Korea on a Chinese talkshow... I don't know whether to cry over poor Hankyung's experiences or scream at the stupid subber. x.x

raiknii @ 2007-12-14T15:05:00

2007-12-14T20:05:37Z

answer-viewing off, screening on (i will be unscreening non-sekrit stuff tho), so feel free to tell me the gory details of your feelings toward me. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

View Poll: #1106195

oh, how clever...

2007-12-12T21:55:24Z

...I keep on making entries, public ones, then flocking them, then filtering them, then making them private...

I sort of want to make them public, actually... -_-;

Can I have robots of all of you, so I can say it but make no one sad?

Confession... At this point, I'm not sure why I don't just confess... Not sure why I won't. My reasons... they're all bleeding together.

raiknii @ 2007-12-09T18:31:00

2007-12-09T23:36:01Z

Sometimes, I wonder -

If my mom weren't a doctor, how much medication would I be on?

(As for why that is... Because my mom is a doctor, I never go to the doctor's, and mommy, of course, is more-or-less in denial about the whole need for medication... and I will admit I hide the extent of that need from her.)

...Ah, perhaps it's for the best... I did badly on Zoloft, after all. Maybe it just wasn't a "strong" enough depression medication, but I did really, really, really badly on it. Maybe it made me worse, maybe I got worse for other reasons, but at any rate I didn't get better. And the placebo effect was working in my favor, too...

...Maybe if mommy weren't a doctor, I would have had sinus surgery too by now... God knows I need some sort of resolution to this problem. I'm still not exactly sure what's wrong with me... I thought it might be sinusitis, but may or may not be... Might just be a new chapter in my ever-increasing list of chronic problems, this time hardcore headaches. >.<

raiknii @ 2007-12-09T11:20:00

2007-12-09T16:23:35Z

Greatest thing that has ever happened to me:

I ~~might be~~ am most probably going to a Morning Musume concert in March. The day before my birthday.

OMFG.

...Does this mean I can do the crazy fan chant? xD

raiknii @ 2007-12-06T19:53:00

2007-12-07T01:02:37Z

... I'm like a black hole for compliments, really... I can never quite have enough.

~~I have love deficiency~~ I never quite feel loved, haha.

...

...Well, I don't, and that's the truth. No amount of denying it will change it, will it? So I might as well just say it. Even if I "know" people like/love me... I can't ever "feel" it. Oh, it's perfectly awful...

For me, I want some sort of promise! But it's not as though things work like that. I want... Things. That I can't have.

...Today, without prompting, I took some Tylenol... It's been a while since I took it for a headache - these days, I stick to Advil, really.

...For those who know about The Incident, please don't worry about me. I'm honestly not going to do anything... Even though I'm like *EMO* all over the place. I mean, I can't promise I'm never going to but I really have no intention to do anything right now.

misc things.

2007-12-04T23:48:02Z

1) Watching Goto Maki's last concert tour (for the foreseeable future, at any rate)... It's a recording of neither her last concert nor one of the early ones (when she sang Hips Don't Lie!!!), so I'm... Is diappointed the right word? But, bye-bye, Gocchin~! My throat hurts, and I wasn't even your fan... I wonder how I'll feel when Koharu graduates? Oh, let's not even think about that...

1.5) The bright side - the concert is her birthday concert, and it's soooo sweet listening to the audience sing her happy birthday.

2) At the moment, I wish the world weren't trying to be green. It would save me from calculating the difference of energy per gram of propane and gasoline. That's... Just... Why?

3) At the moment, I am so glad my chemistry teacher gives us the answers to the homework. It thankfully saves me from having to do (or steal from someone else) the problems for the sections I actually did the separate worksheets for.

4) ...I hate chemistry.

5) I don't think I've ever posted about being sick in the first place, but I am sick. Two months by now, I think... Sinus problems. My symptoms are on and off, but they include: nausea, tiredness, diarrhea, blood in my snot, insane amounts of aforementioned snot. And a constant headache. I've missed... six days of school so far. >.< But still no fever.

5.5) I don't think I've ever posted about this either (but I do seem to be talking about it a lot): My "normal" (I suppose typical's a better word) body temperature is about 94, 95 degrees (~35 celsius, methinks). I wish there was a way to fix this, so, you know, I could actually get fevers to kill the stupid bacteria, but...

6) ...All of my real life friends think I'm a lesbian, but they don't seem to be surprised...

remembering the past...?

2007-12-04T01:24:46Z

....

"What is it that humans say when they greet each other? He-something, right?

Yes, yes, hello. Thank you, doctor.

Hello, then.

Doctor says that fitting in lays in the details. He says it doesn't matter if I say hello as long as I smile.

A smile is a slight upward quick of the corners of the mouth, used to indicate happiness.

Ha-pi-ness. Three syllables, eight letters. But the definition is crossed from my dictionary.

Doctor says happiness is not a word the New World uses. May says I'm not allowed to know emotion, because I'm a robot.

Emotion. That's crossed out, too."

It amazes me sometimes, to go and look at the things I wrote a long time ago - well, my blogging and such were nonsensical... But this... Maybe it's just my own view, but isn't it strangely eloquent? A girl freshly fourteen - well, I'm not too much older now, but...

Well, it makes me smile, almost.

And... Well, it's very 1984-esque, isn't it? But I hadn't read 1984 then... Brave New World-esque, then.

(Ah, I used to be so hesitant about using ellipses.... And things like that... But I've just let myself go, haven't I?)

raiknii @ 2007-12-02T14:50:00

2007-12-02T19:51:27Z

Lately, I seem to be making entries then deleting them...

...Actually, I'm never quite sure what I want to say in real life either...

miracle ~~~~~~~ beam ~~~~~~~